When the Internet's down





We've all had this day: this utterly horrible day that begins brilliantly. You wake up blissful and ready to take on another day. You have planned everything ahead. "This is going to be the most productive day for me yet," you mutter to yourself as you pour your much needed morning coffee. You get somewhat dressed, you feel refreshed and energised. You might have even had some exercise before doing anything else (for which I applaud you and wish I could be more like you). So you're ready and it's time to turn on your computer.
And then you see it.
 It's there in front of you, blinking away its evil eye as you're trying to pull yourself together and ignore its evil, smug, little smile. A no-connection symbol. In vain do you open your browser. You already know what you'll meet there. You're lost in the white abyss of a sad, empty, barren field, with only a lonely dinosaur to keep you company. After staring at your new best-friend for a while, you start seeing contempt in her eyes. What once seemed like compassion is now clearly scorn. You quickly close the browser unable to see your emotions  mirrored in a tiny, pixelated dinosaur. "No", you think. "I can get through this. I am not addicted to the Internet, I have so many other things to do. Really, it's a blessing in a way. It'll give me the much needed time to reflect and work." Determined, you walk away from your computer. Surely there are things to do without it.

What do you end up doing?


  • Staring at the ceiling. Oh, a spider. I wonder what it's like to have eight legs. Probably amazing.
  • Thinking it's finally time to start working on your novel or autobiography.
  • Try to cook something,
  • fail at cooking something
  • eating more
  • Wonder if you have any friends
  • Wonder what it was like before the Internet.
  • Consequently, feel pity for your parents
  • Contemplate the idea that it might have actually been better without it.
  • Discard previous idea. There's no way that it was better.
  • Take stupid pictures of your room that you will later name "artistic photos of the cacti living in my room"
  • Take selfies.
  • Finally, clear out your wardrobe.
  • Wonder at the amount of crap you've accumulated over the years,
  • still keep some of that crap
  • Take a long bath. You did hear they're more eco-friendly than showers, anyway.
  • Read a novel. Read anything you find on your bookcase. It's time to be an intellectual.
  • Think that you will actually become an intellectual now. Maybe, you'll also be secluded from the rest of the world. Intellectual/hermit. Doesn't sound that bad.
  • Yes, it is. Who are you trying to fool?
  • Wonder how many cats are being recorded being silly right now.
  • I should google that.
  • F**k.
  • Make some hideous drawings. Feel secretly proud about them. 
  • Spend some quality time with your little sister, aka watch her flip through the channels.
  • Start a fight?
  • Nah...
  • Finally grasp the relativity of time.
  • See Mrs Dalloway under a whole different light: "This actually makes sense."
  • Wonder why you've ever stopped creating home movies.
  • Blackmail your sister into being in one.
  • Your pillow alien monsters are not realistic, whatsoever.
  • Try vlogging instead.
  • Feel depressed at how you've got nothing to vlog about.
  • Do your homework and your reading.
  • Be surprised at how little time they took you this time.
  • Eat some more.
  • Call someone on the phone? Better not. Who does that nowadays?
  • Feel some sort of dread at how our civilization and society is progressing, especially our social skills.
  • Try to do some exercise!
  • Give up after ten minutes.
  • Paint your nails.
  • F*ck up your nails.
  • Wonder again, how women in the past could just sit around in the house all day, doing nothing but read, draw and sew.
  • They also took long walks.
  • But still.
  • Contemplate re-reading Harry Potter. It's bound to cheer you up.
  • No, it just can't be eight years since the last one came out.
  • Be in absolute denial.
  • Bloody hell, I'm old.
  • Feel bad about getting old and closer to death.
  • Feel depressed.
  • Feel more depressed that you can't watch kittens on Youtube to cheer you up.
  • Read some HP, after all.
  • Feel somewhat cheered up.
  • Find a comedy to watch with your sister.
  • Go to bed.
THE NEXT DAY:

Your eyes open immediately. One question is ringing in your ears, drilling into your brain and leaving you incapable of thinking about anything else. "Is the Internet back?" Hesitant footsteps echo in the room as you walk towards your office. Your laptop sits there, waiting where you've left it yesterday. It seems like it was ages ago when you last used it. It looks kind of sad and neglected.
You want to comfort it. "They can't keep us apart forever" you whisper to it as you press the Power button. Your heart is beating fast but you can't google it to see if it falls within the normal range. So you wait. Eyes fixed on the bottom part of the screen. Is there a connection? That is the question. The spinning continues. The adrenaline is almost too much, your tummy is clenched. You are connected!
You feel like leaping of joy. You immediately move the cursor on your browser and click with a mixture of exasperation and excitement. It opens. Your eyes remain blank as your fingers linger with no direction, above the keyboard.


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