Uncertain Commitments

I have never seen much into New Year’s resolutions. If anything, I regarded them with suspicion, not unlike I do for star predictions and pompous statements. Why would anyone want to commit to something they might be unable to achieve? In the end, it could make you feel worse than you did to start with. And yet, despite my self-proclaimed cynicism, I create just like everybody else a list with personal goals I want to achieve in the New Year. However, I have found ways to make the list as foolproof as possible, leading to necessary victory. The trick is to keep your resolutions vague so that you can’t help but tick them off come December 2017 (I cringe even looking at this date. How can it be 2017?? But I digress.) So, not to feel left out in the Resolutions front I sat down on my wrapping paper cluttered desk that I seem to have postponed cleaning until next week and I created my own list of all those small and not so small things I’d love to accomplish in 2017. And since this is the sharing age and #it didn’t happen if you didn’t share it, here is my list for your perusal in its entirety.

  1. Spend more quality time with my laptop. Even though I spend quite some time typing on my laptop, I’m never as present in the moment as I would've like to be. I don’t take the time to appreciate the company it keeps me and the invaluableness of its services; something that I plan on rectifying this year.

  2. Read more. And when I say more I mean more as in more books, more diversely, more frequently, more broadly. I’m also going to try seeing reading as something productive and not a waste of time like I did when I was younger. It really doesn’t help me feeling guilty every time I sit down to read even if I have nothing else to do at the time. In fact, whenever I read a book I instantly feel better, more positive and confident even if it was majorly depressing. I’m therefore going to try remembering that this year, especially on days when I feel unmotivated and uninspired.

  3. Be more positive. Like so many others, I often dwell on negative thoughts and feelings while forgetting to give the positive the same air time. So this year I’ll try turning things around and train myself at silencing the yapping negative voice inside my head while boosting the positive one.I’ve been thinking about visualising a positive little me following me around -not unlike Lizzie McGuire- and telling me all those things I need to hear but I never dare say to myself for fear of suddenly becoming full of myself.

  4. On that note, most of us that struggle with self-confidence and constantly doubt our every move, need to realise there’s a long road to traverse from being over-modest to being arrogant and we could all do with some settling in the middle of this route.

  5. Appreciate the tube more. Since I’ve got no driver’s licence yet, I am constantly on the tube and the buses. Since I don’t see that ending soon enough, I’ve decided I need to change my mental state first. Because when you think about it the tube is a wonder. It gives you all the time you want to ponder on the ghastly state of our world, to come up with new ideas for your first of many best-selling novels, to come face to armpit with the sweaty man standing next to you. The tube offers a rollercoaster of a ride and it gets a bad rep for nothing IMO. Where else would you want to eat your banana and then discard the peel?

  6. Dance more whether that’s a dance recess or a clubbing session. But who am I kidding? It will most probably be a wild dance recess in my own bedroom, and I’m absolutely fine with that.

  7. Inject more colour in my wardrobe. It doesn’t have to be too much just colours I love and want to try incorporating into my outfits like red and blue and emerald green. Don’t expect to see me in the New Pantone Colour of the Year, though. Not the most flattering of colours…

  8. Come to terms with the fact that you’re not going to finish some of the tv series you’ve started watching over five years ago. Sometimes you’ve just got to move on and not feel guilty for leaving something incomplete. Especially when it’s just a series after all!

  9. Read more poetry. Every time I do I enjoy it but sometimes I get that pesky imposter syndrome as if you can only validly appreciate poetry when you can write an essay about it.

  10. Watch more good films. Good is a general term I’ve got to describe all non-superhero movies.

  11. Bake more. Now that Bake Off’s over (*ugly cry*) I need some cakes to feel my life with their much-needed comfort. Trouble is, mother dear’s on a diet, and we’re playing nice by trying to exclude all temptations from the household. Now if that doesn’t put us straight on the nice list for next year, I don’t know what does.

  12. Walk. I’m going to leave this resolution as vague as that because I’ve realised I’ve included some challenging ones, so I need to make sure that I tick at least some of them off.

  13. Travel somewhere. Keeping this one just as laconic. It could end up meaning going on a two-hour drive somewhere, but you can bet I’ll consider it a success.

  14. Take more photos. They don’t even have to be that great. Just pictures of places, people, family, cats, drinks; pictures of anything really. I’ve got the camera, I love taking photos so why not? It seems a waste to be using it only for the purposes of this blog. I mean sometimes I’m sick of looking at my pictures. I’ve always been the one behind the camera so this year has proven more than a challenge for me and my sister who put up with my awkward fits in the middle of the streets can attest to that.

  15. Care less about what others think of you. This one might be the hardest. I’m so used to filtering everything I love doing or what I want to say for fear of what others might think of me. I know I’m not the only one who has this obsession over how I’m being perceived by others. However, it’s truly unhealthy for our mental state and our development. I need to learn to give fewer f**ks and trust my decisions and opinions more. And you should too if you’re suffering from the same affliction. It’s dangerous because if you give the others more credit than you give yourself, they will end up being the ones who define who you are. I believe this need to please is tied with the fact that we always want to be right and perfect and not cause any trouble but you know what? It’s inevitable, and we will make mistakes, and we will inadvertently offend someone, and we will let people down no matter how much we try to be “perfect”. So I’ll try keeping that in mind and make good use of the sincere apology instead if it ever comes to that.

  16. Get at least once so pissed, I might finally be able to understand the crazy drunken stories of other people and become Hemingway overnight.

  17. We’re talking serious resolutions here. Not for the faint-hearted.

Resolutions aside, I hope we're all going to have an amazing 2017, accomplish everything we want and manage to find the silver lining on every cloud looming threateningly above us. Let's try to encourage and push each other towards betterment. Let's try staying positive and remind ourselves how lucky we truly are. Let's appreciate what we have and stop craving for more all the time. Let's try to realise as Lucy said in her brilliant post, that we are enough. So, if you've made any kind of resolutions, share them bellow. I'm sure we all love a good nosy into each other's commitments.

Lots of love, health and happiness for the new year!
Mary xx

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